Here’s the thing about the holiday season: I love the holiday season. There isn’t a tree I won’t trim, a menorah I won’t light, a heartwarming made-for-television movie I won’t DVR. And like the characters featured in many very special holiday presentations, I’m prone to holiday-themed fever dreams featuring a Winter-in-Wonderland-like cast of cartoon elves with self-esteem issues, talking mice in coordinated scarf/boot ensembles, and more triumphs of the human spirit than a Klingon can shake a bat’leth at. So in that spirit, and the spirit of the season, follow me down a wormhole as I transform from a mild-mannered author/fanboy into the Enterprise’s most festive elf.

If anybody knows what the Enterprise is capable of, it’s good ol’ Scotty. So he gets this bottle opener, with which he can use his beloved ship to open his beloved lager:



For Uhura, who has been very good all year, I gift her this ring, which will sparkle perfectly in the bridge lights every time she reaches for her earpiece:



For Sulu, who knows that it’s important to keep hydrated, whether you’re in the gym practicing fencing or stuck on a freezing cold planet during an away mission, this water bottle:



Star Trek was ahead of its time when showcasing new and innovative technologies. Nobody knows more about that than Yeoman Rand, who was almost always carrying a device with which keep the Captain informed. For her, I present this tablet skin:



For Bones, this business card holder, so he can constantly remind people that he’s a doctor and not, well, anything else:



For Chekov, a shot glass to enjoy the various vodkas from his native country:



For Nurse Chapel, this sleek and elegant wallet, which can be used during the day but can easily transfer to evenings when she’s beaming down to a mysterious planet to meet up with her long-distance “friend” Dr. Korby:



For Spock, who knows it’s illogical to be late, a 2016 engagement calendar. Its executive-looking presentation makes it perfect for use on the bridge or any official appointment, and the Starfleet symbols throughout make it just geeky enough to put a smile on anyone’s face. Even a Vulcan.



And for Captain Kirk, who can be naughty, a bottle of cologne so he can boldly charm females in any quadrant:



And of course, every crewmember will get a copy of Fun with Kirk and Spock, because even though the season is all about giving, I’m an elf who understands the value of promotion!
 



Happy Holidays!

 

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