K'Plett is a Delegate-at-Large for the Klingon Empire, formerly stationed at the Klingon Embassy on Earth. The views and opinions expressed by K'Plett are in no way reflective of those of the Federation or Starfleet.

Salutations, My Human Friends,

Today is bittersweet. My shuttle back to Qo'noS leaves in a few hours and I am unsure when and if I shall be returning to your planet. My years here have been quite insightful and I have been graced by your people's generosity and spirit.

First of all, let me apologize to all of those who sent in letters I was unable to respond to. There were many, and my various duties at the Klingon Embassy often took precedence, so my regrets to anyone whose letter I did not respond to.

Next, allow me to express my gratitude for the opportunity to learn about your people and to share whatever Klingon wisdom I was able to impart. There are both good and bad aspects to both our peoples, and I feel I made many acquaintances here amongst the nobler representatives of humankind.

Finally, before I answer the last round of letters, allow me to express my unending gratitude to your planet for introducing me to bacon. O, meaty ambrosia, I worship at the alter of your salty tastiness! I have acquired replicator recipes for bacon, and I have also arranged for fresh bacon to be delivered to the homeworld several times a year. It has been suggested that upon my retirement, I should open up a bacon restaurant back home, and I am considering it, although others have noted that such an arrangement would be akin to an alcoholic opening up a liquor store.

Again, my thanks and I salute the many honorable Humans out there.

But enough about me, I shall now endeavor, one final time, to answer your questions.

Hey K'plett,
One question: boxers or briefs?
Dr. Vorlon

Dear Dr. Vorlon,
We Klingons tend to operate "commando-style," but I have been introduced to the strange new hybrid of boxer and brief which I find comfortable and pleasing.

Honorable K'Plett,
As a Klingon living on Earth, what would you say is the most profound or interesting thing you learned from us humans? Thank you for answering our questions thus far and good luck on Qo'noS!
Cecily

Dear Cecily,
There are many things I have learned, but one of the most intriguing is in the realm of conflict resolution. My people's tradition holds that in a dispute, combat is usually the way to get to the bottom of the problem, but I have learned on Earth of different ways to solve problems that are not dishonorable and do not involved killing an adversary over a small matter.

Dear Honorable Warrior--
It was with great sadness that I read your "Penultimate Column" and learned of your departure. You will be greatly missed, but I'm sure I speak for all of Earth when I wish you well in your new role as instructor. Q'apla, friend!
Jean M.
Closet warrior and friend of Q'onoS

Dear Jean M.,
I appreciate your kind words, and it reminds me of another thing I have learned from Humanity. It is not dishonorable to say "thank you" for a compliment or a generosity. My people are not accustomed to expressing gratitude (in fact, when I say "thank you" it's only to non-Klingons, I don't wish to offend my brethren). But it's a noble thing to do, and perhaps my people will someday learn how.

Dear K'Plett,
First let me say that I have always enjoyed your column and am sad to hear that you will soon be leaving! (Though I'm sure that you are looking forward to returning home to Q'onos after so many years.) I will miss your unique viewpoint on Human issues.

Now to my questions: First, I would like to know what you think of the holidays Christmas and New Year's. Do Klingons observe similar celebrations? Second, can you suggest some websites where I can learn more about the Klingon language and culture? I wish you all the best for the holiday season, and of course a very pleasant trip home!

Sincerely yours,
Aslan

Dear Aslan,
We do have many holidays and celebrations, although through the centuries, depending on who is in power, many holidays are shunned and certain anniversaries that ruling Houses don't wish to remember are forgotten. As for learning about Klingon language and culture, I highly recommend you visit the Klingon Language Institute at www.kli.org.

K'plett, Honorable Sir,
I have read your column for the last two years and after hearing that you will return to the Homeworld, I realized that I couldn't let you leave our star system without saying a few words of appreciation.

Through your writings I have learned patience for others who are impatient, openness and capacity to change when regarding others, that fighting with Honor is sometimes good, but when Honor fights alongside its partner Wisdom, success is not far behind. I learned that simple things mean a lot (the taste of bacon really is good, isn't it?), that understanding others also means understanding yourself and that it is never too late to learn. I now know that you have a great sense of humor for things Terran and Klingon.

That Ferengi scoundrel Pelgar will no doubt attempt to dishonor what you have done, but rest assured, I will have your back. May Qo'noS welcome you back with open arms (no pun intended). The Klingon Consulate will seem emptier with you not there. Please send my regards to Ambassador Worf and to Counselor Martok.
Qapla in all future tasks.
Farewell, my internet friend.
Human in body, but Klingon in spirit,
Captain M.M. Raynor
Commanding Officer, U.S.S. Recovery NCC 1212

Dear Captain M.M. Raynor,
Your words humble me. As for Pelgar, I am delighted that he is free, but I have no plans at present to pursue him. I know that if I were to find him, I could make fast work of him. But he should know to steer very, very clear of me and other Klingons. I am willing to let his verbal crimes and lies go unpunished if he disappears, never to be seen again. Or I will kill him. Slowly.

Dear K'Plett,
My best wishes on your new position!
My final question to you is: Do you approve of your likeness being used on a public message board as an avatar?
Thank you!
T'Pran

Dear T'Pran,
I am honored and pleased that even though I may be gone, my likeness will live on in the hands of noble Humans. If, however, a dishonorable Human were to use my likeness and post messages unworthy of my Klingon heritage, I would be very, very displeased.

Honorable K'Plett,
First of all, I would like to say that I have been a fan of your articles for the last two years or so. They have been very humorous and insightful and I have learned much from reading them. It saddens me to think that your next article shall be your last.

Also, I would like to ask you about your opinions in the recent political events in the Earth country of Ukraine, such as the claims of fraud election results and the apparent attempted assassination of one of the presidential candidates, Viktor Yuschenko. How do you think this will end and how do you think this problem can be resolved honorably?

Q'apla and Congratulations on your impending return to Qo'noS,
Starfleet Vice Admiral J.H. Jackson

Dear Vice Admiral J.H. Jackson,
While I do not come from a Democratic-based society, I do think that the people of Ukraine have accomplished an incredible feat. Most situations like this end in terrible bloodshed, and the situation there is not yet resolved, but it appears that the people are committed to improving their country without violence. It is also commendable that the poisoned man, Yuschenko, is behaving quite honorably by setting aside his personal feelings at the attempted assassination and proceeding with the election.

Poisoning is the most dishonorable way to try to defeat an enemy, and my wish is that those responsible for such reprehensibility will be apprehended and dealt with in a fashion more humane than they would have done. The proof of a society's honor is seen not just in how they govern their citizens, but in how they deal with their criminals. Of course, criminals need to be punished and removed from society, but not by sinking to their level.

Greetings Honorable K'Plett,
I am a daughter of the Seventh House of Betazed and I wanted to wish you well. I enjoy reading your columns and your advice is great. You are an honorable Klingon. I wrote a few times but never really got in, so can you please answer this. I need advice. I have a friend and his name is Kreth of the House of Kruge and he wants to commit ritual suicide. I am partially involved with him because we are dating. I'm trying to talk him out of it but it seems impossible because of stubbornness.

Please explain this to me because I love him too much. I really don't want to lose him. Please help me,
Kelyara Turth, Daughter of the Seventh House of Betazed, Keeper of the Legendary Shield of Kalaria, and Heir to the Sacred Staff of Betazed.
P.S.-I wish you well K'Plett! You give Klingons a whole new definition.

Dear Kelyara Turth,
If you believe your friend is honestly capable of harming himself, you must take action before its too late and speak with his family or friends to prevent such an act. Be straightforward with him and remind him that he has an obligation to more than just himself. Let him know that his action would be a dark act which would be disastrous to people he loves. But again, if he is not capable of helping himself, get with others who love him as well and do whatever it takes to stop him.

Hounorable K'Plett:
I am a human male who has just gotten out of a relationship with a person who has the personality of a Romulan. I was used and dishonored in this relationship. I inadvertently did dishonorable acts and deeds. The entire relationship dwells on my mind as a dishonorable experience. Is this a guilt I can disregard or am I destined to live with it.
The used and abused. OAK

Dear OAK,
We all have to live with our actions; that cannot change. But how we perceive our actions can change. You are filled with emotion at the situation, but as time passes you will be able to view it more dispassionately, like a Vulcan. If you made no errors with this person and they used you completely, then you must think about what happened and look for the warning signs so that you never find yourself in this situation again. If you perhaps saw some of what was going on and ignored it, you must carry that with you. Do not fret over events you cannot change, merely live with it and learn from it so that your history does not repeat itself.

Honorable K'Plett,
I am a divorced father, and I constantly have problems talking to my ex-wife about how to raise our 4 year old. We seem to disagree on everything from what to say around the child to what the child should or should not watch! And the grandparents stick their noses in all the time also! No matter what I do nothing seems to work, coming from such an honorable world, what would your advice be on a matter such as this, or how do Klingons deal with this sort of problem from their woman. I bow my head to your wisdom.
thank you
anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Outside of obvious safety issues, there are often no "right" or "wrong" ways to raise a child, it all depends. Your child is nearing an age when it can understand that while Mom may say one thing, Dad may say another, and Grandparents might say something else. If you are upfront with both the child and the other parent about the fact that there are some things you will always disagree upon, that is the best you can do.

As long as you and the other parent do not wage war between yourselves using the child as a battleground, and as long as you both do not try to paint the other as a villain or a fool in the child's mind, you should be able to continue to move forward. It won't be easy, and remember that at the end of the day, both of you love the child and the child loves you, regardless of whatever petty incidentals may cloud the issue at a moment.

Honorable K'Plett:
My wife and I are expecting our first child, and are still deciding on names for a human male... any suggestions??
PDC

Dear PDC,
I am honored that you would ask, however, if you would prefer your child not be tormented and beaten after school throughout his adolescence, you should pick a name not suggested by a Klingon advice columnist.

Dear Sir,
I don't write letters to your column, but I want to let you know how much I have enjoyed your ability to put real-life advice into a fantasy world. You are an excellent writer and a creative problem-solver. If you are not doing this for a living in your real life, I hope you find a way to do so. At any rate, I will greatly miss K'Plett and somewhat miss Pelgar.
Thank you for the column.
Tracey L. H.

Dear Tracey L. H.,
Thank you for your compliments. I do not know if my problem-solving skills will be as appreciated on Qo'noS, but I will do my best, which is all any of us can strive for.

And on that "note," as my Human friends who play musical instruments say, I finish my duties here. I will strive to be the best Klingon I can be, and I would encourage all of you to strive to be the best Humans possible. Do not evaluate yourselves based on how you contrast with other Humans in terms of material wealth, amount of friends or physical beauty, but in how you impact the lives of everyone around you. You and only you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day, and if you behave with honor and avoid getting caught up in petty insecurities, you will like what you see.

Again, I cannot express my fondness and gratitude to you all enough, and hope that I return to Earth again someday.

Q'apla!

Farewell

K'Plett, Klingon Embassy, December 2004

If you wish to ask K'Plett a question or need some advice on how to lead honorable lives, you can write him a letter by clicking here. Letters are subject to editing.

[Due to his reassignment, K'Plett is no longer accepting your correspondence.]