K'Plett is a Delegate-at-Large for the Klingon Empire, formerly stationed at the Klingon Embassy on Earth. The views and opinions expressed by K'Plett are in no way reflective of those of the Federation or Starfleet.

Salutations, Humans!

I am still struggling to recover from my experience with your annual "Thanksgiving" holiday. I visited the home of a Human acquaintance and his extended family. Much to my embarrassment, I did not learn until later that the feast I consumed had been intended for everyone there. I had assumed (wrongly) that as the guest, the first table of food would be for me, and that more would come for the rest of the family later.

Now, however, some bittersweet news: At the end of this year, a few weeks away, I am to return to Qo'noS to begin my new assignment as an instructor, teaching warriors about Human customs, and thus will be ending my column. While I look forward to my homeworld and my family, I am saddened that I shall be unable to continue pondering your questions.

Over the years I have learned a great many things from your people, and I hope that I have been able to reciprocate by sharing what little wisdom of own I could. I shall compile one more column before I leave, so please send any questions you may have quickly.

But enough of this. I shall now confront your questions.

Hi can you please tell me how the Klingons got from looking like humans to the way they look now? I'm thinking that the raised foreheads and strength are deformities due to the destruction of their ozone layer. Can you confirm that? Or was it just evolution? I really want to know.
Jeanie

Dear Jeanie,
I am bound by honor not to answer your question, but I will say this: The answer shall be made public soon. I know that is a cryptic response, but it is all I can say.

Honorable K'Plett:
I am curious as to whether your duties at the Klingon Embassy leave you free time to watch American television. If so, are there any particular shows you enjoy and/or tune into regularly? I am particularly fascinated with the cartoon "Kim Possible". It depicts a teenage human female who fights with great honor against the villains of this planet while simultaneously balancing her chaotic life in high school. You would enjoy this show, I believe, as it mixes combat with everyday dilemmas, much like your column. (Sadly, this show will likely be cancelled soon due to the wiles of the Ferengi/Romulan hybrid known as Eisner, the CEO of the Disney corporation.)
Your comments are appreciated!
T'rehk

Dear T'rehk,
I have not had the opportunity to observe this "Kim Possible" you speak of, but I am very fond of many sporting programs, as well as many offerings of networks devoted to food and cooking. I am dismayed that there are no networks devoted to Warriors or Bloodsports or Bacon exclusively, but there are many programs I do enjoy. I especially enjoy historical programming, such as the dramatic recreations of early Starfleet adventures on a program named after the famous starship Enterprise. If you are not watching this program, what is wrong with you?

OH HONORABLE K'PLETT:
Which of the following bacon do you prefer:
Jimmy Dean
Canadian
Costco Brand
Raw
Thank you.
A curious human

Dear Curious Human,
As I work in service of the Empire, it would be unbecoming of me to endorse any particular brand of bacon. However, if one of the aforementioned bacon brokers were to promise me a lifetime supply of bacon, I would be compelled to offer my thanks in very large lettering. They had best hurry, however, as I won't be here much longer.

Dear K'Plett,
It seems that politics and the honorability in which politics is conducted is very important to you. If you could do anything to help people in politics act more honorably, what would you do?
Sincerely,
Chris

Dear Chris,
Indeed, given the history of my people, in which there have been historical instances where someone had gained power through dishonorable deception, I feel very strongly about political honor. The first thing I would recommend is ironic. This may sound strange coming from a Klingon, but I would recommend that all people take a less emotional approach to politics, putting one's self into an almost Vulcan mindset.

Your people seem to be at a strange crossroads. The level of anger amongst people is at an alarmingly high level, and there seems little common ground amongst your political factions. There seems to be a philosophy more geared towards utterly defeating a political enemy and amassing power rather than an honest desire to serve the public good.

Being a public servant is something that should be a sacrifice, not a goal unto itself. In many of your nations, elected officials enjoy a far greater standard of living than the average citizen, and I find this deplorable. Thus, I would take steps to reduce the pay for elected public servants and make the job less desirable for the greedy. I have no trouble if the public pays for transportation to and from one's district to the capitol, but to me politicians would work harder for their constituents if their personal success reflected the success of the citizens who elected them.

Honorable K'Plett,
I am a reasonably young Human Male who attempts to live my life with honor and respect, however I am becoming increasingly frustrated with Human females within my age group who seem to be very superficial and materialistic. When I mention my health, they make excuses. What is your stance on materialism as it pertains to relationships, and do I need to look for a Klingon female?
I await your response,
Lt. Dennis J.H.

Dear Lt. Dennis J.H.,
It sounds to me as if you are meeting the wrong women in the wrong places. Yes, in every age group, there are women as you have described: superficial and materialistic. They are on their own path, searching for men who are similarly superficial and possessing enough wealth to provide superficial things to them. Many of them will find, after devoting years to these men, that their husbands will lose interest and will begin chasing after younger women, and many will have mid-life epiphanies that they spent their youth chasing the wrong men.

Not that this helps you out at all, but when you become frustrated, just remember that these females you speak of are potentially sowing the seeds of unhappiness which will bloom later in life. For you, however, start looking in different places for potential mates. They are out there, trust me.

One final note — and do not be insulted if this does not apply to you, it is merely an observation. I have known several Human males who are not what your magazines would call "attractive," who complain at the superficiality of "hot chicks." If you wish for others to see the beautiful person underneath an average appearance, keep in mind that you must do the same.

If you wish to ask K'Plett a question or need some advice on how to lead honorable lives, you can write him a letter by clicking here. Letters are subject to editing.

[Due to his reassignment, K'Plett is no longer accepting your correspondence.]