Kate is a freelance writer who offers her advice on a wide range of subjects drawn from her own Trek life experiences. The views and opinions expressed by Kate are hers and hers alone... and trust us, she has opinions! Click here to send your question to Kate.

Hey Everyone!

I know a few columns back I talked about technology and what-not, but I noticed something the other day that I just have to mention and see if I'm not alone ... or maybe it's up to me to bring this spooky info to the world! What is this common everyday piece of equipment that I'm talking about? The copy machine! Have you ever noticed... the bright green light swipes by, scans the glass, stores the information into the collective memory and then spits out a copy. It's like they're little Borglings! Not exactly the same, but there are some eerie similarities, huh? Huh? So I'm using the copier and it hits me — maybe this machine has already been assimilated by the Borg and they've incorporate its technology and everything it knows. Gee, just imagine all of those people who put their faces on the glass and pressed the copy button ... and what about the ones who put their bottoms on the copier? I wonder what Carl would say about this... not that he would ever do such a thing, oh no ... but it could help explain why all the Borg are so pale-skinned...

Well, before I spend too much time in the future I should take care of a few things in the present, like your questions! Here little questions ... don't be shy ... good, good little questions...

Dear Kate,
This is President Sean L. of the United Federation of Planets. First, I would like to send my congratulations to the cast and crew of Star Trek The Next Generation for their 20th Anniversary. Second, Do you happen to know how I can open a hailing frequency (e-mail address) to Captain Patrick Stuart?
Thank you,
Sean

Hi Sean,

Wow, 20 years already. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long ... and I'm sure the cast and crew can hardly believe it too. So, Mr. Pez ... oops, sorry, that's Prez ... so you're trying to tell me that you don't have access to a subspace channel, and you're the President? Sounds kinda odd that the UFP wouldn't be able to get the info from Starfleet? Anyway, I don't have any connections in Starfleet, but I'm sure the Captain has an official fan club or something, and that's always a good place to start when looking for ways of making First Contact... heehee, first contact...

[You can link to Patrick Stewart's official website through his bio page. –Ed.]

Dear Kate,
I don't know what to do. I really like this guy I have gone to school with for several years. But I don't know if he likes me. We talk and laugh together sometimes, but then sometimes I see him with other girls talking and it really gets me down. I like him so bad it hurts. I really need your advice. Oh, now I know how Nurse Chapel felt about Spock.
Confuzzled

Dear Confuzzled,

Hmm... well, one thing in your favor is that you have known this lucky guy for many years, and it is obviously easy for the two of you to talk with each other. Well, this is going to make the next step a little easier — the next time you and a group of friends (they don't have to be friends that you both know, but it would help) are planning to go see a movie or something, invite the guy to go with you. Tell him that a group of friends are going to a movie and that you thought he might want to come along. Oh, be sure the movie you invite him to is not a "chick-flick." Sure, choosing a "chick-flick" will tell him what you want to say, but it's a bit early for that. The first thing you want to do is to extend your friendship beyond school. When you're out with your friends, offer to be the one who waits in line for popcorn while the others get the seats — causally, you can say, 'Hey, (guy's name), would you mind helping me carry the stuff back?" The purpose of this is to get a few minutes alone and then go back to the group — again, you are establishing that you are a fun person to hang out with, and moving your friendship outside of school. Then after this situation works a few times, you can causally move towards the two of you doing things by yourselves. Oh, and as for him talking to other girls... the best thing you can do is keep in mind that these other girls are just friends who happen to be girls and try not to let it show too much that this bothers you — think of the fun times you have together. Smiling and being genuinely happy makes any girl that much more attractive. Even if your friendship takes the next step, it's very important to remember that first and foremost the two of you are friends and you both are entitled to have many friends.

Hi Kate,
This is your biggest fan in this galaxy. We really like your perfect advices, your talent to think into other individuums, to convince them for the right sight of matter... And for your huge recently promotion actions for our business. That's why we decided to adapt your peculiarity to bring us closer to perfection. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED! RESISTANCE IS IRRELEVANT: YOU WILL SERVE THE COLLECTIVE IN CONVINCING ALL HUMAN BEINGS TO BECOME BORG!!! So we just have to assimilate them!!!!! And no weird Starfleet captain from future will stop us!!!!!! NO ONE!!!! HARRHARRRHARR!!! (Sorry, forgot my manners...) Please meet us at following coordinates for your assimilation: 4734619.9137 to 101079401.12345
yours faithfully
The Borgqueen

Dear Borgqueen,

While your offer of a life in basic black sounds rather... ummm, tempting... the thought of pasty white skin leads me to think that you really should focus your attention towards a Collective Cosmetic and Dermatology Plan. I mean seriously! For all of that knowledge you have assimilated, haven't you acquired anyone with even the slightest bit of info in this field? C'mon, those door-to-door make-up ladies are everywhere! How could you not assimilate one of them? So, tell you what, here are some coordinates of my own, that I think could have quite an impact on the Collective: 08300303.6 to 07906069.70. Enjoy the Shopping Mall!

Hi Kate,
The brother of my best friend is seeing porn on the Internet and she doesn't know what to do. I've never seen her so miserable! Please help!
My name is Kathryn

Dear Kathryn,

This really is a rather touchy subject, especially if your friend's brother is under the legal age to view that type of content. While I don't know the laws or the penalties about something like this, I do know that this can be something that can not only get him into trouble, but also his parents and anyone else involved. As difficult as it might be, the best thing for you to do is urge your friend to tell her parents, or maybe even a trusted school counselor who can tell the parents. Or maybe you or she could type up a letter and mail it anonymously to her parents telling them what is happening. The biggest thing to get across to your friend's brother (if he is underage) are the possible legal dangers that could result. However, keep in mind that if he is of legal age, then the best thing for your friend to do is tell her brother that she doesn't like it, but in the end it will be his choice — he has to make that decision for himself.

Hi there. Im new to this & just have an inquiry. I know this is prob goin to sound silly but I have a box of star trek matches, treky pix on the cover & order your Spock ears form on the inside. They are a paramount product & was wondering if you have heard of similar collectibles & if there was a website I could go to or something similar. Thanks, vandt

Dear Vandt,

Wow, that sounds like a pretty cool item. I can't say that I have heard or seen anything like it. But I do know that there are books called price guides that give a base price for collectibles. However, the prices in these books are really just that, a guide to give you some idea. I would do a search on the Internet and you just might be able to get some more info.

Hello Kate!
A lot of people are of the opinion that one of the BAD things about Star Trek: Enterprise is the theme song. But I watch it with a friend and we turn the subtitles on and sing along — it's our own Star Trek karaoke! For some reason a lot of people don't share our delight in this activity and we get a lot of flak for it. How should we deal with this Kate? I think in history ENT will be remembered BECAUSE it had a song.... Today a song tomorrow a dance....
Looking forward to your words of wisdom!
Cheerio
Linda

Hi Linda,

Do I think using a song with lyrics for the theme a bad idea? No. Do I think choosing a song that makes me think of Robin Williams wearing a clown nose and treating children with terminal illnesses, a bad idea— YEAH, I do! Okay, if the powers-that-were had put a little more thought into it and had come up with a new, original song that would stand the test of time— then fine, I'm all for that! But guys, really? You choose a song that makes us want to take out our cell phones and use them like a lighter in a rock concert... And we're doing this why? — to mock the song and how it does nothing for the legacy of Trek. Hey, I admit I've raised my cell phone too. But I will say this, if the powers-that-were had asked me to suggest an established song with lyrics— you know what I would have said (besides, 'Hey, powers-that-be, this is a ridiculous idea')? I would have told them to use something like... "Come Sail Away" by Styx. Okay, so that song isn't perfect either — but at least it talks about dreams, space flight and aliens. However, I still stand behind my first choice (which should have been the obvious one) that instrumental themes which stand the test of time and start you on that magical journey in the stars are far better than any established lyric-based song could be!

So, I think I'll leave you with that thought — the next time Enterprise comes on, raise your cell phone in the air, and sway back and forth. And you know what? I'll bet you'll feel so silly that you won't even realize how long that opening song is. Well, gang, I'll see you all later and remember to have faith of the heart! ... Okay, yeah, that was really lame... Later!

If you wish to ask Kate a question or need some advice on your own Trek life, you can write to her at columns@startrek.com with the subject "ASK KATE." (Letters are subject to editing at Kate's discretion.)

Letters to Kate become Kate's sole property. Submitting to Kate relinquishes all ownership rights to, or any claims for financial or other consideration in connection with the submitted material, including any ideas, suggestions, script ideas, anything. This goes for you too, Carl!