K'Plett is a Delegate-at-Large for the Klingon Empire, formerly stationed at the Klingon Embassy on Earth. The views and opinions expressed by K'Plett are in no way reflective of those of the Federation or Starfleet.

Salutations, Humans!

I am currently undergoing treatment for the Klingon equivalent of a "hernia." I suffered this injury recently when a human organization presented a gift of a large potted "evergreen" tree to the Ambassador in celebration of a Human holiday known as Arbor Day.

The Ambassador is still trying to decide where to put the massive tree, and has had me moving it all over the Embassy and its grounds. Because the tree is taller than a pair of warriors, it is considerably heavy, and thus I strained myself in my efforts.

There was a time when my injury would have required me to end my own existence, as my usefulness as a warrior had been curtailed and Klingon honor would require me not to be a burden to my fellow warriors or my family. However, modern technology being able to correct this problem, I will be up and about in no time.

This has led me to think quite a bit about how honor evolves. I have received a number of letters about a recent prison abuse scandal, wherein warriors charged with supervising and interrogating prisoners have been accused of serious, dishonorable misdeeds. There was a time in Klingon history when no one would have bothered with the rights of prisoners, especially prisoners of war. However, as evolution takes place and races march forward, events such as these take on new significance.

Several letters imply that those abused "had it coming to them" and that as a Klingon, I should understand and support such actions. While I understand the emotions released in a blood fury, we Klingons take pride in treating others as we would be treated. We tend to inflict more punishment on ourselves for fun than most species do in the line of duty, but we Klingons believe in dignity and honor, even for our enemies.

If we do not treat prisoners with the highest levels of respect and dignity, not only are we spitting upon our most cherished beliefs, we are creating future generations of enemies. Throughout the history of most species across the galaxy, there is a pattern of one generation of the oppressed spawning the next generation of oppressors. The only way to break that cycle is to keep the moral high ground by bestowing dignity upon all, especially those who are unworthy of it.

It is one thing to take joy from defeating your enemies, quite another to take joy from their pain and suffering.

But enough of this. I shall now confront your questions.

Dear K'Plett
Why do Klingons not eat cooked meat? Do you have some sort of antibody to fight bacteria that can come from raw meat?
Captain Tyler

Dear Captain Tyler,
Klingons do in fact eat cooked foods from time to time. As a lover of bacon, I tried it uncooked once, and quickly decided that it is better cooked than raw. Many other foods, especially Klingon dishes, are indeed best fresh, and in some cases, like gagh, live. Gagh worms are so much more delicious and invigorating when you eat them alive. As for the physiology questions you ask, I have no idea about antibodies, you should direct that question to a doctor.

Dear K'plett
In one year, the Xindi will attack and destroy your homeworld because some guy from the future said in 400 years that klingons will destroy there homeworld.
Future guy

Dear Future Guy,
No they won't.

Dear Honerable K'PLETT
I admit that at first, I started off reading that idiot ferangi pelgar's collum. I saw yours, and was greatly intrigued. I now only read your column and ask your forgiveness.
Thank you
Doug

Dear Doug,
There is no shame in reading the Ferengi's column. You can find great wisdom there ? if you do the exact opposite of what he advises! There is no need for me to forgive you, there is nothing to forgive. Never be afraid of other ideas, it's being able to read garbage and identify it as such that makes you stronger.

Greetings, K'Plett.
A simple question if you have the time:
Why can't you see a Klingon's ears? What do they look like in comparison to humans'?
Your friend
Fleet Admiral Gridley

Dear Fleet Admiral Gridley,
We have ears! Simply because they are not gigantic, disgusting, floppy flesh wings like the Ferengi have doesn't mean that do not exist! Most Klingons do tend to wear their hair down over their ears, as I do, but they are not too terribly different from Human ears. They are nothing like Vulcan ears, however, which disturb me if I look at them too long.

Hello K'PLETT,
How would you respond if I said that Ferengis are much more fun (and much better looking ) then Klingons? If responding would involve (a) ripping my head off, (b) feeding me to hungry Targs or (c) fighting a duel, please do not respond!
Bean Metcalf

Dear Bean Metcalf,
Your opinion simply says more about you than about me. I would consider your taste questionable at best, as you seem to find Ferengi's more attractive than Klingons. If you love Ferengis so much, why don't you marry one? I would not accost you for your deviant ways, I wouldn't want your perverted Ferengi fetish to rub off on me. In a strange way, I feel a small amount of pity for you. A very small amount.

Honorable K'Plett;
You recently mentioned that you drink targ milk. I have heard Klingon's mention that they hunt targ and at other times mention having a pet targ. On one occasion I heard mention of hunting targ from Chancellor Martok, who had once kept a targ as a pet. Am I to understand that targ serves as herd, game, and pets? Do you use different breeds of targ for different purposes? There are cultures on Earth that eat dogs; those people would never keep a dog as a pet. Other cultures consider dogs to be "man's best friend" and would never serve one for dinner. How does it work with targ?
Thank you for your help with these questions.
Sir Jas'n, former Knight of the Thallonian Empire

Dear Sir Jas'n,
Targs are plentiful and reproduce often. Indeed, some Targs are pets and others are simply livestock. Your confusion seems to me to be based on your own experience on Earth, where the mixing of pets and food livestock is an alien concept. Well, we are an alien race. You don't have to completely appreciate and understand everything about those different than yourself, you just have to acknowledge the difference and live with it, as others do with you.

Hello,
Excuse me to bother but I was wondering if someone could help me. I would like to know something about Romulans, but all I can find is article in Library: Aliens. So I was wondering if there are any more informations about them, and have can I find it.
Thank you.. : )
Ivona

Dear Ivona,
I do own a wonderful volume entitled "Romulans for Dummies," which would answer all of your questions and satisfy any curiosity you might have. Unfortunately it's with my brother back on Qo'noS. Good luck finding a copy on Earth, someone might have a copy.

Dear K'Plett,
I have been thinking on getting a pair of batleth and practicing with them for an upcoming martial arts match. tell me , where can i find a matching set?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
You can try Bed, Bat'Leths and Beyond, they have a section for newlyweds with some very handsome matching sets.

If you wish to ask K'Plett a question or need some advice on how to lead honorable lives, you can write him a letter by clicking here. Letters are subject to editing.

[Due to his reassignment, K'Plett is no longer accepting your correspondence.]