K'Plett is a Delegate-at-Large for the Klingon Empire, formerly stationed at the
Klingon Embassy on Earth. The views and opinions expressed by K'Plett are in no way
reflective of those of the Federation or Starfleet.
Salutations Humans!
Many of you have written to me asking about some provincial election whereupon a former body-builder-turned-entertainer has seized political power and what my thoughts are about such a turn of events. Since I am not human and represent the Klingon Embassy here on Earth, I must be cautious and deliberate in my answers to all questions.
In this case, my feeling is that should the state of California become threatened by killer robots from the future, you are in good hands. Otherwise, what were you all thinking?
I will now confront your questions.
Dear K'Plett,
I am a guy who lives in the medium sized and mighty country Sweden. There is a girl in the countrys good and perfect school that I really really likes. But here is der problem: I don´t know if she likes me. We are good friends and so, and we spend time outside the perfect school as well. Annd I really likes her. But I am too shy to ask her if she likes me. And to ask a friend to ask her that is out of the question.
Gratefull for reply
Mr. Sweden
Dear Mr. Sweden,
While I am no Vulcan, even a Klingon can use logic, so let us look at your problem logically. If you are too shy to express yourself, and you will not let another express your feelings for you, barring her sudden development of telepathic abilities, you will never resolve your situation. My advice is to overcome your shyness and speak to her. If she shares the same feelings, you will be happy you did. If she is not interested, this will allow you to move forward. Otherwise, you will be in this holding pattern and will eventually have to watch as another man with more courage sweeps in and steals her heart.
K'plett,
I am starting high school this year and I was wondering how I could make a good first impression on everyone.
Diana
Dear Diana,
It all depends on where you go to school. On Q'onoS, you'd seek out the largest and fiercest looking student and challenge them to a battle before the body of students, and even if you are defeated, the other students will commend your courage (if not your intelligence). However, I understand that on Earth, this type of behavior doesn't always win friends. My advice would be to behave with honor and dignity and be friendly to others not because you want to make a good impression, but because it's the right things to do. If you are trying too hard to make a good impression, often people will think you are behaving disingenuously, so be yourself and treat others as you would have them treat you.
Dear K'Plett
I am in deep trouble. I have just realized that I am a character on a soap opera television show. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I tell anyone, I'll be killed off. So far, no one knows I know. But life on this show is dangerous. Just a few days ago, my stepdad was in a really bad car accident, a friend is in the hospital awaiting a new heart, and my cousin's boyfriend is a mob boss! I think right now I'm just a minor character (I'm thirteen), but do you know how easily that could change?
Please help,
T.W.
Dear T.W.,
The key to survival on a soap opera is to endear yourself to the writers and producers. They have the power. And do not become too demanding, you may end up replaced by another who doesn't quite look like you but will take your name and claim to be you, after the "plastic surgery."
K'Plett,
I would like to learn to fence, but my weapon of preference is the Bat'leth. Though I may be able to get hold of one, finding a Bat'leth instructer on earth is challenging. To you have any advice?
A Fan
Dear Fan,
There are various holodeck programs for the bat'leth I find excellent and would highly recommend, such as "Level One Bat'leth Training with Master K'Treik," "Level Two Bat'leth Training with Master K'Treik," "Level Three Bat'leth Training with Master K'Treik" and "Bat'leth for Dummies."
K'PLETT,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN COMMAND OF 90 SHIPS ? WOULD YOU CONQUER ROMULUS ?
ANONYMOUS
Dear Anonymous,
The first thing I would do is to take off the "Caps Lock" key on your keyboard. You sent me many letters, all of them with the screaming upper case letters. Stop that. As for conquering Romulus, I would need far more than 90 ships to accomplish such a task. But it would be tempting.
Dear Honorable K'Plett,
I am at a loss. My male interest is seeing another warrior woman. I have contemplated challenging that veQDuj, but have ultimately decided that would be inappropriate. I would wait and see if it pans out but when they start to incite the mating ritual while I'm around I feel the need to help that process come around. What should I do?
Kate of the House of Boyd
Dear Kate,
You are wise not to give in to the assumption that dealing with her will solve your problem. Since he (your male interest) has chosen to take up with the brazen harlot, your problem lies with him. However painful it might be, you must consider and be prepared to live with the possibility that you shall never be a couple and find another male interest for the time being. You cannot force someone to love you (legally, that is), so I would recommend doing whatever you need to do to avoid having to watch something painful to you that you can do nothing about. One of the primary things I look for in a potential mate is an interest in me. She may be all I could ever wish for, but if she's uninterested, I see not point in wasting my time.
Dear honourable klingon master.
Qu'apla! I play computer games to hone my skills in combat. Some people say that I am not good enough at these games because I play them on the 'easy' setting. How should I deal with these P'Taks?
With Honour and Glory!
Alt'Gr and Set'mw
Dear Alt'Gr and Set'mw,
If you play on "easy" level, then you are playing for fun and not to continue to build your skills until you can play the hardest of levels, correct? There is no shame in that, but don't play on "easy" and then behave as if you're the mightiest warrior around. Accept the criticism levelled against you, or else start playing on "normal," then "difficult" settings — you'll soon find that you're totally capable of winning, it just makes the game more challenging and makes you a braver warrior.
If you wish to ask K'Plett a question or need some advice on how to lead
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[Due to his reassignment, K'Plett is no longer accepting your correspondence.]
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