Star Trek Host: K'Plett is taking some time off from duties at the Klingon Embassy. Everyone please welcome K'Plett!

K'Plett: Greetings to you all. Your puny human keyboards are not designed for the wide, magnificent fingers of a warrior, so forgive any errors I may commit. And "Hey" back to all of you.

Star Trek Host: Let's get started with the questions...

Q: Dear K'Plett, I was just wondering: Who is your role model? Are there any warriors in particular that you look to for guidance?
noodle7

K'Plett: One of my role models when I was a young warrior was a brave Klingon named Girksin, who was very capable, despite a strange speech impediment. He would click and make strange noises in battle.

Q: Dear K'Plett, Sure, sure, you were a warrior, but what have you conquered lately?
pelgar

K'Plett: Last night I conquered the "all-you-can-eat" buffet.

Q: How do you feel about the United States Marine Corps?
mr_gary_phaserman

K'Plett: They have a very honorable band.

Q: K'Plett, I would like to impress my boyfriend. Do you have any recipes with bacon as the main ingredient that you would be willing to share?
cassiopia

K'Plett: If you want to try something simple, I often enjoy the Bacon Sandwich, which is a fistful of bacon slices placed lovingly between two large pieces of bacon. Delicious. Or you could try the bacon shake, which is a scrumptious drink you'll be tempted to drink with a straw, but you should use a spoon. That's S-P-O-O-N, dishonorable censoring software! I am befuddled at this machine, shall I break it?

K'Plett: I am told it would not be a good thing if I broke the machinery. In respect of my hosts, I shall not. Next question.

Q: K'Plett, which would you say is worse - being eaten alive by spiders or losing your honour?
lilac

K'Plett: I suppose having your honor eaten by spiders would be worst of all. But in the end, losing your honor is a terrible thing, you have to spend the rest of your life hanging your head in shame.

Q: What do you think of our president?
yogisyl

K'Plett: Are you a member of a club that has a president? What president do you speak of?

Q: In "Marauders," why didn't the Klingons just beam right back down outside the ring of fire and defeat the wimpy humans?
captainconundrum

K'Plett: Those Klingons must not have been terribly bright. Perhaps they had Ferengi blood in them! Or perhaps Pakleds were advising them.

Q: I am sure this question has been asked before, but how would you feel of the Federation entering into an alliance with the Romulans, considering the uneasiness between your people and theirs?
sjonus

K'Plett: That would stink. It would make me very unhappy, as I might have to kiss bacon, ham and pork chops goodbye.

Q: So, I'd like to ask a Klingon female out on a date. What's the best way?
avrombay

K'Plett: If you are actually speaking of a Klingon female and not a human female who wishes she were Klingon, you should express your attraction through a series of low growls, fierce jabs and perhaps some chocolates. But remember, if she's not interested, she'll beat you senseless, or worse, ignore you.

Q: Dearest K'Plett, I'm a fitness instructor for humans. As a Klingon what do you recommend to keep humans from being flabby?
cassiopia

K'Plett: Ten kilometers of sprints, followed by several hours of intense calisthenics. I used to do those things. A long time ago.

Q: K'Plett, pal, have you ever been in love?
lilac

K'Plett: Who hasn't? She was a wonderful Klingon woman who eventually decided that my choice of career as a warrior took me away for too long, and took up with a postal carrier. I hear they're very happy now.

Q: Tell us about a battle you fought in
multitronic

K'Plett: When I was a young warrior, I took part in defending an outpost from Orion scum. I sat at my station and pressed buttons bravely. Taught them a thing or two.

Q: What's the best way to begin learning the Klingon language?
snoozingcat

K'Plett: First off, you must find yourself a text which translates Klingon into and from your own language. There are pages on this "web site" as my hosts inform me, with Klingon phrases and words.

Star Trek Host: www.startrek.com!!

K'Plett: Or you could just immerse yourself by taking a trip to any planet in the Klingon empire, we could put you to work as a food server.

Q: Bat'leth or Mek'leth?
captainconundrum

K'Plett: Bat'leth, of course.

Q: Hey K'Plett, are you fat because of all the bacon or are you just naturally fat?
pelgar

K'Plett: What?! Who let this little freak ask a question?! I AM NOT FAT, I'M BIG-BONED!

Q: would you consider being on a Star Trek reality show with Pelgar?
temporalcoldwar

K'Plett: Only if I could wring his scrawny little neck, week after glorious week.

Q: Hey K'plett, why all the pork? And who turned you on to it in the first place?
tongoradoh

K'Plett: I am a strong proponent of pork because of its subtle flavors, its tantalizing smells and because it doesn't make me bloat quite the same way Targ does. I was "turned on" to pork by a member of the Klingon delegation when I first arrived, and my life has never been the same. Ah, memories.

Q: Do Klingon females wax?
bambi_

K'Plett: No, their faces are hairy like the males.

Q: What tastes better, pork or targ?
bambi_

K'Plett: Pork definitely, Targ sometimes has a gamey quality and gets stuck in my teeth for days.

Q: Dearest K'Plett, Can you give a lady advice on how to defend her honor against the scum and villainy that seems to congregate in places like bars and sporting events?
cassiopia

K'Plett: Perhaps you should stop going to these events and expecting men to behave. These are bars and sporting events, after all.

Q: Why did the old generations of klingons like in Kirk's era have human foreheads and in Picard's era its all krinkly?
sovvy

K'Plett: I don't know what you're talking about? Human foreheads? I've never heard of anything more ridiculous in my life. Show me a picture, then I'll believe it.

Q: Dear K'Splatt, does the fact that I'm in a cell and safe from those chubby fingers of yours make you angry? Is that honorable?
pelgar

K'Plett: Yes and yes. It is not dishonorable to dream of the day I can finally teach you a lesson you large-lobed aberration of nature!

Q: Which would you give up first? Bacon or honour?
lilac

K'Plett: How much bacon and how much honor are we talking about here?

Q: Dearest K'Plett, My man thinks he has Klingon blood in him, but really doesn't. Would it be dishonorable of me to let him continue with the charade, in fact encourage it, or not?
cassiopia

K'Plett: It all depends on what kind of relationship you have with him. Why is it important to you to call him out? What does it hurt you if he deludes himself? Is it annoying? Why are you with an annoying man?

Q: K'Plett, after the Romulan incident with the Enterprise E and the Remans, do you feel Romulans have any honor?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: No.

Q: What would your favourite Holodeck program be?
lilac

K'Plett: "K'Plett's Giant House of Bacon"

Q: Dear K'Plett, how would you suggest picking up girls in sporting events and bars?
yogisyl

K'Plett: By throwing them over your shoulder, and lift with the legs, not the back.

Q: If you had to choose between losing a limb or never eating ham again, which would it be?
pelgar

K'Plett: Which limb?

Q: Advice question: What should be my highest priority - my work, my family or my art?
yogisyl

K'Plett: A Vulcan would tell you that logically, you can't support a family or art without working, and I agree.

Q: Don't you want to settle down eventually? Maybe have some kids?
lilac

K'Plett: Absolutely, but the circumstances have to be correct. I would not be a responsible, honorable parent if I were to have children without being in the proper position to support them and devote enough time to their upbringing. But I would feed them ham.

Q: K'plett, I never asked you anything on the columns, I was wondering, do you feel Worf as a traitor to the Klingon high council or honor?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: I have never felt Worf.

Q: Boxers or briefs?
pelgar

K'Plett: Yes.

Q: K'Plett, can you give some advice? (klingon way) I'm really scared to talk to girls! I was wondering how to attract them to come to me? how do klingons do it?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: Girls are not like rodents you attract with cheese.

Q: K'Plett...but isn't lying a dishonorable thing? Think about it....
cassiopia

K'Plett: I am thinking about it.
K'Plett: I am still thinking.
K'Plett: I am continuing to think.
K'Plett: Hmmmmmm.
K'Plett: Yes, you are correct.

Q: {{{>:-( ) <---- how do you like my klingon face K'Plett?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: Your Klingon face is very cute, give yourself a pat on the back for your cleverness. Next.

Q: Most honorable K'Plett, What ship is better: Voyager with futuristic shielding or Enterprise-E?
belannatorresparis

K'Plett: The Enterprise-E has a much better chef.

Q: Dearest K'Plett, How long does it take you to get dressed in the morning? What is your morning routine like anyway?
cassiopia

K'Plett: I wake up at dawn and dress myself in my official uniform, then sit down to a hearty breakfast (I'll spare you the menu, we don't have all day), then I go outside and raise the Klingon standard, then go back for seconds at the breakfast table.

Q: hey k'Plett what is your favorite species in star trek, besides the klingons?
chloran

K'Plett: I find the Nausicaans to be formidable warriors, yet they have atrocious personal hygiene. Humans do have the best food.

Q: Have you ever fought/captured a Federation ship? If so what ship was it?
sovvy

K'Plett: No.

Q: K'Plett, how long have you known Pelgar? if the chance, would you love to tear him to shreads with your Bat'leth?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: I have been aware of the deceitful little Ferengi for almost three years now. He is protected in a Federation prison, but the day will come when I will hold him aloft by his lobes, his little legs kicking helplessly in the air.

Q: I am Bambi - Does my name strike fear into your heart?!!
bambi_

K'Plett: The fact that you are named Bambi does indeed strike fear into my heart. Is this the name of a famous Human warrior?

Q: Dearest K'Plett, Do you have any tattoos or piercings that you would like to tell us about?
cassiopia

K'Plett: I thought about getting a "Bacon 4 Ever" tattoo, but thought against it, if I ever wanted to speak to a woman again.

Q: What do you think about time travel? And is it honorable?
kenm

K'Plett: Hmm, time travel. If you go back and change something, doesn't it change you so you can't go back and change it in the first place? Please, don't make think about time travel, it makes my brain hurt.

Q: DO YOU FANCY SEVEN OF NINE OR T'POL?
spbass

K'Plett: I just wonder how they could go into battle wearing such tight uniforms. Not much protection from an opponent's blades.

Q: K'Plett, why have you been away for so long?
wolf83

K'Plett: I have been traveling with the ambassador. Plus I forgot my password.

Q: Dearest K'Plett, Speaking of brains, I understand that large beasts often have tiny brains. How do you suppose that translates to a Klingon?
cassiopia

K'Plett: I am not sure about these scientific questions... wait a moment, is that a veiled insult? Are you saying I have a tiny brain? My brain is not tiny!

Q: Do you believe that the people who cancelled Farscape have any honour?
bambi_

K'Plett: Your words are strange to me, but I do not think those who cancel anything could have much honor.

Q: Do you like prune juice too?
captainconundrum

K'Plett: It is an engaging beverage, I will say that. But put it alongside a feast of pork, and it's a recipe for a long night of "Martok's Revenge."

Q: K'Plett, since we're on a roll with brains and such, are there any foods that you don't like? How do you think you would do if you were a contestant on Survivor?
cassiopia

K'Plett: I have seen this "Survivor" program you speak of, and I think I would have an advantage over the whiney humans who populate that program! I am used to eating food that moves and I think my size and strength would be a definite help during the challenges. However, the scheming portion of the game is for Romulans.

Q: K'Plett, what would u do to someone who challenged your honor?
garrett218

K'Plett: It depends on what field they challenge me. If they challenge me on the battlefield, I respond in kind, if they challenge me across the bargaining table, I respond in kind, if they challenge me at the dinner table, I will win.

Q: Would you mate with a human female?
nx74205

K'Plett: It would depend on the human female, of course. She would have to be able to live with my Klingon ways and habits, and I would have to learn how to cope with her human ways and habits.

Q: K'Plett, have you watched a program on Human TV called Football (a sporting event) if so, do you think that sport has honor?
borg_8_of_9

K'Plett: If the referees weren't so blind, yes.

Q: What do you think of the Klingons on Enterprise?
funkyphil

K'Plett: Which ones?

Q: Honored Warrior, How do you feel about the Ferengi as a society? and would you be willing to join this Marine in taking down that society?
mr_gary_phaserman

K'Plett: "Ferengi society" is an oxymoron. But just two of us against the lobed hordes? A Klingon knows not to fight in a burning house.

Q: Do you think that the Klingons in "Marauders" from the series Enterprise are honorable?
funkyphil

K'Plett: Any Klingon not smart enough to beam out of a circle of fire isn't worthy of honor. Those aren't my people, don't confuse me with them.

Q: Are you a cat or a dog person, K'Plett?
lilac

K'Plett: Neither are very tasty.

Q: How did Klingons get warp drive seeing as there obviously too stupid to invent it?
spbass

K'Plett: As you humans should know, you don't have to invent something to conquer and take it.

Q: Please speak some Klingon
wolf83

K'Plett: One moment while they turn off their translator - - - Ghos cha Ko! Nu-qneH qa-legh-neS! - - - Wait, their translation machine is making me say things, this is ridiculous! Someone fix that machine, now!

Q: What do you think of cloning
yogisyl

K'Plett: I think cloning means an endless vista of pork, stretching off onto the horizon.

Q: K'Plett do you believe Captain Janeway to be a formitable warrior after her 7 years leading a crew alone in the delta quadrant?
captaingoof

K'Plett: What is formitable? Do you mean formatable? Can she be formatted? Explain.

Q: K'Plett, what would happen if someone called you a Ferengi regulan blood worm?
benjamin_sisko

K'Plett: They'd learn the error of their ways, and they'd apologize. Eventually.

Q: Do you have any advice for aspiring actors?
captainconundrum

K'Plett: Yes, take Fountain.

Q: Hey K'Plett, was your Rite of Ascension excruciatingly painful?
scath

K'Plett: Yes, they use painstiks, not "gentle sticks." Of course it's painful, it's supposed to be painful!

Star Trek Host: We are down to the last few questions. K'Plett has to return to his duties.

Q: K'Plett, are you afraid of death?
lilac

K'Plett: Not in the least. Death is the entry to Sto-Vo-Kor, where I shall never have to lift heavy objects for the ambassador and where an endless feast awaits. Of course, not too soon, in case the feast does not include pork.

Q: If Cassiopia asked you to dine with her, would you go?
nx74205

K'Plett: Certainly, as long as she understands that I eat like a Klingon, so there would be a fair amount of "food shrapnel" flying.

Q: Dear K'Plett! Is pretending to be a klingon an honorable thing to do?
therealmccoy

K'Plett: No! Anyone who pretends to be a Klingon is perpetrating some kind of mythology, and who would do something like that?

Star Trek Host: This will be our final question for K'Plett...

Q: Mr. K'Plett, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
captainconundrum

K'Plett: I see myself relaxing in retirement somewhere, enjoying the finer things in life. Or I'll be in a war somewhere. Who can say?

K'Plett: Thank you, honorable humans, Vulcans, fellow Klingons, etc.

Star Trek Host: Please thank K'Plett from taking time away from his duties to chat with us today!

Bye K'Plett thanks for your time and your most honourable teachings
bambi_

K'plett................................................QAPLA!!!
borg_8_of_9

Thanks a lot! belanna_torres_20

Thanks for chatting K'Plett!!!!!!!
benjamin_sisko

Q'Apla Warrior
sovvy

K'Plett: Farewell, remember to behave with dignity and honor, and don't eat too much, you have to leave some for me.

Thank you dearest K'Plett. This was highly amusing. Oh and my phone number is.....
cassiopia

K'Plett: I'm waiting...

Ve sure to avoid Sto-vo-kor!
borg_8_of_9

See you, Pletty!
Lilac

Qa'plaa!
benjamin_sisko

Qua'pla jolan tru
bambi_