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You might be a Republican if....
Report this Jan. 14 2010, 6:38 am
Gathered from around the internet, I think some of these may even amuse our Conservative friends. I was trying to find a much funnier version of this I got in my e-mail once, but couldn't find it. If I find the funnier version, I will add it to this thread.
If you believe the government should stay out of the churchÂ¿s business, unless it is saying who can get married and who can't.
If you believe the government should have less power, but it is OK that Bush increased the Federal Government more than any other president in recent history.
If you believe Saddam Hussein needs to be bombed, but that Mubarak and Musharif need American aid, and China needs most favored nation trading status, you might be a Republican.
If you believe Machiavelli was right, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that the government is violating our rights, then support the Patriot Act, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that deficits are bad, but pass tax cuts without corresponding program reductions, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that we are fighting this war to defend American values, then want to hang all the war protesters, you might be a Republican.
If you believe in the right to keep and bear arms, but want to destroy Iraq and North Korea for the weapons that they possess, you might be a Republican.
If you think mentioning Buddha or Mohammed in schools violates the separation of church and state, but want the kids to keep pledging allegiance to a nation Â¿under GodÂ¿, you might be a Republican.
If you do not believe in a Â¿vast, right wing conspiracy,Â¿ but DO believe in a Â¿vast left wing conspiracyÂ¿, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that television news is biased and left wing, but believe that Rush Limbaugh and Micheal Savage are fair and balanced, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that Clinton was immoral because of his affair with the office staff, but believe Eisenhower was a great man despite his affair with his secretary, you might be a Republican.
If you STILL think it is all ClintonÂ¿s fault, you might be a Republican.
If you believe that John Ashcroft is really interested in justice, you might be a Republican.
If you believe Texans riding around in armed pickup trucks are just expressing their freedoms, but Afghans riding around in armed pickup trucks are a grave threat to AmericaÂ¿s freedom, you might be a Republican. AND a redneck.
If you believe anything coming out of Paul WolfowitzÂ¿s mouth, you are seriously deluded, plus maybe a republican.
If you believe it is worth destroying a 225 year old alliance with France just to smash a petty two-bit tyrant, you might be a republican.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two".
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend".
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of Oh Noes."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductible.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, the Bible said...."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You believe that Socialism never works, ignoring the Socialist programs of most of Europe.
Report this Jan. 14 2010, 8:53 am
A counter point. If I may.
You Might Be A Democrat If...
You own something that says, "Dukakis for President, " and still display it.
You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
You don't understand why anyone was bothered by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
You've never been mugged.
You actually expect to collect Social Security.
You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
You think the Great Society has actually worked.
You don't see the similarity between WONK and WANK.
You got teary-eyed during the film "The American President."
You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
Your High School Year Book goals included the words "help people."
You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
You think Obama should be on Mt. Rushmore.
You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
You know at least one Vegan.
You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are the real heroes.
You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer's stash.
You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.
You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
You admire the Swedish welfare system.
You know that Jefferson really meant to say "Entitled to Happiness."
You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
You think "ethics" is an eastern European country.
You've named your kids with hyphenated first and last names.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were only willing to redistribute their wealth.
You've ever referred to someone as a "bigot or Nazi".
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a married man.
You oppose the death penalty, but support abortion.
You don't support school choice for others, only for yourself.
You think you might remember laughing once as an adult and feeling guilty about it.
You once broke loose at a party and inhaled, but don't admit it.
You support diversity, as long as others agree with you.
You've referred to moral fiber thinking it was a new man made textile.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "you hypocrite".
You've ever said, "the Bill Of Rights is outdated".
You answer to "No One".
You support PETA and Green Peace, but still eat beef, fish, lamb, and wear leather garments.
You protest your neighbor clearing their yard of weeds.
You only let your kids watch PBS and listen to NPR.
You scream at the thought of agreeing with a Republican.
You've argued that Western values are no values.
You agree that all the world's problems can be traced back to white Anglo-Saxon men taking advantage of others.
When people say "Marx," you think, "to bad his idea didn't work".
You've ever yelled, "capitalist".
You still wear the Birkenstocks you purchased in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 laws to control guns.
You really think that guns kill people. Not people kill people.
You want to protest something but don't know what.
You've ever said "I support civil liberties, but not personal liberties."
You will not admit that trees are a renewable resource.
You've ever said "reduce paper, save a tree".
You donate money because it makes you "feel good".
You came of age in the '60s and don't understand what went wrong.
You justify lying cheating Democrats because Republicans lie and cheat.
You ever start or end an argument on the phrase, "you are closed minded".
You never told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can" because he chooses to do so.
You think denial is a virtue.
You don't mind contributing 4 months of your salary to the government. You're only sorry it can't be more.
You believe that everyone else is responsible for you but you.
Trust me this is the tip of the iceberg.
Report this Jan. 14 2010, 1:13 pm
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 5:56 pm
actually, Nuadha's are more based on things that actually happen than what Corwin says. He's just spouting RUshisms that aren't even true.
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 6:09 pm
Infowars will tell you that both parties are just pawns of someone else.
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 6:10 pm
Idk, I like how he reversed the, "You support the death penalty but oppose abortion." "You support abortion but oppose the death penalty."
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 6:39 pm
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 10:10 pm
I actually dont support abortion, i just support the right for a woman to make the decision for herself.
Report this Jan. 15 2010, 10:18 pm
But wouldn't using the death penalty just be like an abortion in the 90th or 100th trimester?
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