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You know it's true...‏

EnterpriseSovereign

GROUP: Members

POSTS: 37683

Report this Aug. 07 2009, 5:35 pm

Your last name stays put.  
The garage is all yours.  
Wedding plans take care of themselves.  
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.  
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park..  
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.  
You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too yucky.  
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.  
Wrinkles add character.  
Wedding dress ¿2000. Morning-suit rental-¿100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.  
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  
One mood all the #### time.  
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.  
You know lots of stuff about tanks.  
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.  
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is ¿4.95 for a three-pack.  
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.  
You almost never have strap problems in public.  
You are unable to see  wrinkles in your clothes.  
Everything on your face stays its original  colour.  
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.  
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.  
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..  
You have freedom of choice concerning whether to grow a moustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Your ######s are real.  Always.
You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
Dry cleaner and hairdressers don't rob you blind
You can go to a public toilet without a support group
You can leave a hotel bed unmade
If you are 50 and single nobody notices
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat
You don't have to clean your home if the electricity meter reader is coming
You don't need to remember everyone's birthday
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours


No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES
If  Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING  OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in ¿20, even though it's only for ¿32.50.  ..........None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will  pay ¿2 for a ¿1 item he needs.
A woman will pay ¿1 for a ¿2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A  man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and  toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A  successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A  woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A  woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.  .........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY
A married man should always forget his mistakes. ......There's absolutely no point in two people remembering exactly the same thing.

Cruervo

GROUP: Members

POSTS: 5659

Report this Aug. 07 2009, 5:44 pm

Thats good.

captbates

GROUP: Members

POSTS: 12614

Report this Aug. 07 2009, 6:10 pm

Quote
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


Nice one ES, Lol....very funny

Cherry_On_Top

GROUP: Members

POSTS: 2039

Report this Aug. 07 2009, 7:15 pm

I remember asking my cousin how he liked married life.  He said it's great.  Every day I come home and the power is still on.  That never happened for this long when I was single.  :laugh:

Goodchild

GROUP: Members

POSTS: 6041

Report this Aug. 07 2009, 7:21 pm

I'm not sure how you fit into those categories yet ES? :p

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