Star Trek

''The Trouble With Tribbles''..''Mister Sulu, prepare to set course away from the station''.....''Captain?''..''Yes, Uhura?''....''Commander Koloth is hailing us...''..''Really? Very well, put him on screen...''...''Kirk!!''(Koloth is grinning from ear to ear)''....I never imagined I would ever say this-but, thank you''...''OH?''...''Yes!! These, these TRIBBLES! What remarkable creatures!!(Holds one up to his ear. The comm picks up its loud cooing)''I have never felt so...PEACEFUL....how can we repay you for this remarkable gift!? I MUST learn where these creatures come from-so that we may bring more of them back to the Empire!!''.......

Kirk: Here's why I like you all. Spock, I like you because you're logical. Bones, I like you because you're honest, Scotty. I like you because you're a miracle worker and you're funny. Uhura, I like you because you're pretty. Christine, I like you because you're amazingly helpful toward Bones. Sulu, I like you because you're Sulu.

Chekov: You never mentioned my name captain?

Kirk: What? Oh yeah. That's because I hate you Chekov.

Chekov: Oh. (leaves his post and goes to the turbolift)

Kirk: Alright, the landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Chekov and Dr. McCoy. Scotty do us a favour and send down a security officer.

Redshirt: Oh s##t.

Kirk: Don't worry ensign, I'll take every precaution to make sure you don't die.

Redshirt: Oh, you'd better had you womanizing div!

''THE CHANGELING''...Spock enters Engineering, where Scotty is working in a corner with a plasma torch and sheets of metal. ''Mister Scott..what are you constructing?''..''This? Well, it's a crib, cannae ye not see?'' ..''A..crib?''..''AYE! For the wee lad!''..''I do not follow, Mister Scott. There are no infants on the Enterprise''..''Oh, well, of course there is!''(Kirk enters, a beatific expression on his face)..''Captain?''...'Ah, Scotty-almost finished are we? Excellent! I'm already working on painting the nearest guest quarters to mine, so that Junior will have his own room, being it'll be too crowded in my quarters, of course....''...''Captain, if you will please pardon me, I am quite bemused...''...''WHY?I mean, I know it's not every day I have a son...''....''SON?''..(Kirk pulls out a photo)''Look!I just snapped this one an hour ago. Isn't he something?Chip off the old block!(Starts to tear up)''Why..he just called me..Daddy....and asked if I wanted him to sterilize anyone before I read him a technical manual for bedtime...I couldn't be prouder...my son...THE ULTIMATE ANNIHILATOR....

Deleted scene from The Doomsday Machine

Kirk: And how is everybody today?

Bones: Can't complain, got a bit of the sniffles, but you can't cure the common...Holy smokes!

Kirk: What?

Bones: Holy crap Jim! It's the Death Star!!

*never-before-seen footage from "Court Martial" before scene was re-written and re-shot*

Cogley: You Kirk?
Kirk: Yes. What is all this?
Cogley: I figure we'll be spending some time together, so I moved in.
Kirk: I hope I'm not crowding you.
Cogley: What's the matter? Don't you like books?
Kirk: Oh, I like them fine, but a computer takes less space.
Cogley: A computer, huh? I got one of these in my office. Contains all the precedents. The synthesis of all the great legal decisions written throughout time. I never use it.
Kirk: Why not?
Cogley: I've got my own system. Books, young man, books. Thousands of them. If time wasn't so important, I'd show you something. My library. Thousands of books.
Kirk: And what would be the point?
Cogley: This is where the law is. Not in that homogenised, pasteurised, synthesiser. Do you want to know the law, the ancient concepts in their own language, Learn the intent of the men who wrote them, from Moses to the tribunal of Alpha 3? Books.
Kirk: You have to be either an obsessive crackpot who's escaped from his keeper or Samuel T. Cogley, attorney at law.
Cogley: Right on both counts. Do you need a good lawyer?
Kirk: I need a good judge!

*they both laugh*

Kirk-Not now honey,I've got a headache.

Kirk: "You know... I don't think I'm gonna sit here in this Captain's chair anymore... at least, not while I cross my legs. It brings out that dastardly inner tube around my gut." 

*Kirk pauses to squeeze the inner tube before shaking his head thoughtfully and getting up*

Kirk: "Mister Spock, from now on YOU will sit in the chair and I will stare into your computer."

Spock: "YES! Dangit, my feet hurt from standing up all day. It's about time I get that damn chair."

Kirk: "Ooooo... pretty... blue... light..."