One Trek Mind #28: Casting Star Trek Avengers
Listen, I know I'm supposed to have a "One Trek Mind" and all. Heck, I'm not even supposed to look at another science-fiction franchise - but I must confess, I saw The Avengers. Twice. You probably did too, and I'm guessing you loved it. Kids around the world are getting together with their friends to play Marvel team-up, because the characters are so strong – but I'm here to tell you, you don't have to limit it to just “Earth's” Mightiest Heroes.
Whaddya say we hit the holosuite, bring our pals from the Star Trek Universe and see which costume fits on each of 'em best? Star Trek Avengers Assemble!
Captain James T. Kirk as Captain America/Steve Rogers
He's the old-school leader ready to jump into a brawl with just brains and his brawn. For classic, pure leadership, Kirk is the only choice to play this role. Plus, he already knows and loves the preamble to the Constitution!
Benjamin Sisko as Thor
The Marvel Movie Universe is a little vague as to whether or not the Royal Asgardian is a god or an alien. Same goes for the Prophets and their Emissary, the Sisko. One thing is certain about both: they have booming, deep voices and can summon great power when tested. (Though I'd rather be armed with Mjolnir than a collectible baseball.)
Q as Iron Man/Tony Stark
The annoying thing about both Q and Tony Stark is that they're incredibly pompous, but they have the goods to back it up. Stark has his technical wizardry and immense wealth, Q has that whole “omnipotent non-corporeal being that exists outside of space and time” thing. Q's puckishness has a nastier side to it than Stark's, but he usually ends up doing the right thing. Here's hoping he can play nice for at least one afternoon.
Worf as the Hulk
The only thing that would have made The Avengers any better is if The Hulk shouted “Glory to the Empire!” as he smashed up buildings. Yeah, it's always tough to get Worf to come out to the holosuites to engage in this sort of thing – but a promise that he'd get to be the physical embodiment of pure, brute rage might do the trick.
Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge as Bruce Banner
However – I don't think Worf would be down for being a fidgety scientist. So here's an opportunity to have Geordi swoop in and do something he's good at. Working on Gamma Rays may be a bit remedial for someone of Mr. La Forge's stature, so someone would have to keep tabs to make sure he doesn't accidentally cure himself.
Major Kira Nerys as Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff
Because fighting her way out of an interrogation while tied to a chair is something Major Kira's probably already done! Plus, her outfit from the Mirror Universe is practically the same as Black Widow's get-up, too.
The Doctor as Agent Phil Coulson
There are many different strains of comic relief out there, but The EMH and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s advance man share many similarities. Essentially, you never can tell if either of them is aware of how entertaining they're being. Perhaps the Doctor is a tad more flamboyant than Agent Coulson, but remember that he's an opera star – he's used to adapting for a role.
Elim Garak as Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Deep Space Nine's Cardassian tailor certainly has the espionage background to play the master spy. His actions during dark days of the Dominion War also prove that, when it comes to being the mastermind behind groups, he's the guy you want pulling the strings. (You may just not want to know what it is that he's doing.) You may question whether or not Garak has the badass qualities displayed by Nick Fury in the movies – but I think if we slipped an eye patch and cool leather coat on him, we'd end up being impressed.
Nurse Christine Chapel as Pepper Potts
Loyalty, thy name is Chapel. Plus, they both a thing for guys with really dark hair. (For Nurse Chapel's sake, though, let's hope the goatee on her man stays strictly in the holosuite!)
Jadzia Dax as Agent Maria Hill
Maria Hill didn't have that much to do in The Avengers, but what kind of psychopath is going to keep Jadzia from dressing up in one of those female S.H.I.E.L.D. outfits?!!?
Khan Noonien Singh as Loki
One man's godlike trickster is another man's genetically engineered superhuman. The only way those Asgardian taunts could have been any better is if they were coming out of Khan's mouth.
Data as J.A.R.V.I.S.
Just goes without saying.
Maybe I got one or two of these wrong? Sound off in the comments – and check back in 20 years when there's finally a Justice League movie!
Jordan Hoffman is a freelance writer, critic and independent film producer living in New York City. He fell in love with Star Trek through TOS reruns just as TNG was getting ready to launch. On his BLOG, Jordan has reviewed all 727 Trek episodes and films, most of the comics and some of the novels. He has a funny story about the one time he met Leonard Nimoy. Click HERE to follow him on Twitter.